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1. Good friendships do not have Friend Points that must be earned and spent. There is no score.

2. You are allowed to talk about things that bug you with friends, even if they are also stressed/having trouble/whatever. They can say “I can’t talk about this now, but here is a picture of a kitten” if they are having a bad day. That does not mean you did a bad thing by bringing things up.

2.1 You are allowed to do the same thing with other people. You don’t have to earn Friend Points (see #1) by always being the one to help your friends deal with stuff.

3. Being friends is not about being small and unobtrusive enough to fit into people’s lives without them having to do anything at all. You are allowed to take up space, both brain-space and real-space.

4. Pretending you are Fine when you are only fine in the sense of “freaked-out, insecure, neurotic, and emotional” never goes well.

4.1 This includes pretending to yourself also, which is even less likely to go well.

4.2 Your friends already know you are a disaster human, and they like you anyway. You don’t have to pretend.

5. Mind reading is not a real thing. Do not expect yourself or anyone else to be able to do this. That’s why humans invented language.
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Listen to me, your body is not a temple. Temples can be destroyed and desecrated. Your body is a forest — thick canopies of maple trees and sweet scented wildflowers sprouting in the underwood. You will grow back, over and over, no matter how badly you are devastated.

Beau Taplin || T e m p l e s (via cosmofilius)

My parents’ front yard had a huge Elm tree in it–stretching up past my bedroom window, above the house, into the sky, a resilient survivor of Dutch Elm disease and everything else nature could throw at it.

But last year it had to come down: it was hollow, unstable, sick, and if it fell in a storm it would crush the house.

My mom says it felt like an earthquake when the huge branches dropped.

My mom’s a gardener. She’d taken the grass out of that yard and put in beautiful things, a Japanese maple, a blue and pink hydrangea in memory of my grandma, trillium she rescued from construction sites and uncountable things I can’t name.

The garden was crushed by those huge falling limbs. She walked out when the last of the tree had been hauled away, and she mourned for the broken Japanese maple and the hydrangea she couldn’t find trace of and the mud and mess of this place she birthed and nurtured and loved.

But.

But the thing about all of these plants is they come from forests, and in forests, trees fall.

So in the spring, things changed:

The Japanese maple is gone, but there’s a few tiny seedlings trying to be born.

The hydrangea is sending up new branches from its broken stem.

The trillium bloomed, the ferns uncurled, the dogwood, damaged but unbroken, thrived in the sunlight.

And from the roots of that elm tree sprouted a whole flock of saplings.

So many that Mom’s had to cut them back. So many that for years she’ll have to play tug-of-war with the living roots of that dead tree to keep the front yard from turning into a forest of spindly elms.

She laughed, last week, when she told me about it.

“There’s a story there,” she said, shaking her head on my computer screen. “Something about resurrection.”

July 2021

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